Posted by Julia
Categories: Buddy and Me
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To watch Buddy and Me in real time click here, select South Africa under “Global Fleet Logins:” in the left hand panel, enter cellphone number 0822549129 and password Buddy.
To make a donation to or information on any of the organisations involved in assisting victims of child rape and abuse, please click on one of the following links:
- To see the ‘Buddy and Me’ scheduled itinerary details for the period 14 June – 19th July 2011 see blog 34
- To read the shocking details of the Upington horror story – The Hynie Dick Story – regarding the ‘Upington savage pedophile’ see blog 35
- To read details of the ‘savage’ the police are looking for in connection with the rape of a 3 year little girl, see blog 39
- To read the heart breaking story by a mother (Cathy Kenney) of the rape of her 3 year-old daughter see blog 38
- To read the shocking storey of the savage who raped and brutally murdered a 10 year-old little girl and the ‘State’ wants to release him after having only served a small portion of his sentence, see Blog 10 (November 2010)
I have dedicated blog 42 to the story of a young girl who was molested by a; what can you possibly call an individual??? who abuses the fact that a small child looked up to him as a father figure, and loved him as one, in-spite of the fact that he was not her biological father? I have also dedicated this blog to the mother, who after supporting her daughter through an agonizing experience, did what the law states; as in section 54 of ‘Act 32 /2007 Sexual Offences Act, which states that “Any person who is made aware of the fact that a child has been raped or molested, fails to report such rape to the authorities, is guilty of an offence”, was let down, by the system, badly. So to these two brave lady’s, all I can say is well done for your perseverance and bravery for what you did, and that I pray that one day, because it will happen, he will pay for what he did.
It is in circumstances like this, and because of savages like this, that I am embarrassed to refer to myself as a member of the male species.
So here is ‘Birds’ story
July 7, 2011
Here is my letter.
This letter would have been used in court had Mr X been found guilty.
The justice system in this country just lets the victims down, and there really has not been enough done to help our children – that is why so many victims never speak out.
I hope this letter can be of some help. Anyone can feel free to contact me on 0723207542.
I’m just an ordinary white South African, but most importantly, I’m ‘Bird’s’ mummy and I love her very much. I can truly say that the Lord was with us every step of the way. My faith was put to the test and Psalm 121 was my hope in a hopeless day. The Lord gave us all the strength and courage we needed.
To my beautiful daughter I just want to say, “My darling, Mommy’s precious little ‘bird’. Fly and soar like an eagle. You are free and remember ‘the Lord will never leave you, nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5”.
On the 24th October 2009, seven months after Mr X left, ‘Bird’ told me that he had been molesting her from a young age.
I believed her immediately and I told her, “Mommy loves you and I’m so very, very sorry”.
As ‘Birds’ mother, I cannot begin to tell you the terrible hurt I felt. My heart broke. I felt pain to the very core of my soul. I could not believe that this man that we loved, adored and respected was capable of such an evil deed! The betrayal was terrible. I never suspected anything – that he was capable of this vile act was the furthest thing from my mind. This very man! Before he left I still thanked him for everything he had done for me and my children.
Mr X came into our lives thirteen years ago when my two daughters were very small, 2 and 4 years old respectively. They loved him. To them he was their father.
All I could think of was to get ‘Bird’ professional help as soon as possible. I immediately moved her into another bedroom. It was as if I had to try to get her whole again – mend and heal her as soon as possible – this beautiful daughter of mine, shattered into a thousand pieces. Everything she had suppressed for so long to protect her family – ‘The Perfect Happy Family’ – came to the surface. ‘Bird’ also told me that she would never have told me while he was still living with us, or while he was still alive. She told me that she had the secret buried so deeply, she did not want the home broken and she did not want to cause me or her sister, heartache.
On Monday 26th October 2009, I arranged her first appointment. I blamed myself for letting this man into our lives. Without crying, the tears just ran and ran. No child should have to go through this. No mother should have to experience such hurt. In therapy I heard her crying, I heard her screaming. I felt her pain and anger. I also experienced fear. Who would believe us? Women don’t report rape. How could a child go through reporting this to the police and going to court? I wanted ‘Bird’ to report this crime, but it had to be her choice, and I wanted her to know and understand that whatever choice she made, I would support and stand by her, as hard and difficult as it was, it also had to be part of her healing. I’m glad she made the right choice. With all the prayers coming through, her strength and courage was remarkable. I am so very proud of her.
The emotional turmoil and upset we experienced as a family is indescribable. The stress and tension in everyday home life was difficult to deal with. I and my eldest daughter had to try and hide our feelings as best we could because we just wanted ‘Bird’ to heal. We gave her so much support and constantly reminded her of our love for her. We also kept telling her that it was not her fault – she was not to blame!
We were all traumatized. The tears in the home just never seemed to stop. Mr X had left broken lives behind him! My children and I became physically ill. ‘Bird’ was even hospitalized with Meningitis after the first court date was postponed.
I eventually told my mother who is 74 years of age. I had hoped to spare her this pain in her old age, but she knew that something was upsetting us. She did not deserve this hurt at her age.
My eldest daughter was writing Matric. She is still on medication to prevent the forming of a stomach ulcer – the result of stress our doctor suggests. I had problems sleeping and eating. I work for a large corporate bank where I deal with clients all day long. I battled to concentrate and my work performance suffered. I had to ask for time off, I had to apply for leave and many a day I worked through my lunch break so that I could stand by ‘Bird’ and give her support.
I was ridiculed by Mr X’s family – called a scorned woman and a liar. They accused my child of being a flirt. NO! I’m just ‘Birds’ mommy who experiences righteous anger towards the person who violated her body and soul. This incident was about ‘Bird’ no one else mattered. This was all about ‘Bird’, a child abused and in need of healing.
My children had a hard time at school and ‘Bird’s’ absenteeism became a problem. I made an appointment to see the Headmaster at Hoërskool X. He told me “ Mevrou, ek bewonder ‘Bird’. Ek is so trots op haar. My deur staan altyd oop vir ‘Bird’”. He also told me that the schools experience many such incidents, but that very few children are prepared to take it further. I was shocked! We worry about crime. There is more crime committed in our own homes than anywhere else.
Yes, ‘Bird’s is but a small voice, not only for herself, but for all the others, even those who are no longer with us. Our lives have all been affected by what ‘Bird’ went through over that seven- year period. The sadness and hurt will always remain with me. ‘Bird’ has been robbed of her Primary School years, her happy care-free years, her formative years and her childhood! How could she have possibly given consent at such a young age? How could she at such a young age have known what was right or wrong?
I truly hope that the Court takes all of this into consideration when passing sentence.
Mr X was privileged to have had my daughters’ love – the love daughters have for their father – and I am privileged and blessed to have a daughter like ‘Bird’. She was entrusted into my care and I have a duty to protect her, to love her and to stand by her!
Please find attached a letter that ‘Bird’ wrote to me when she started therapy.